Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
