Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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