FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
