swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
