my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
