we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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