I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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