I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
