Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
