We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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