So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize