I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
tell me about the eggs
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
