i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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