I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
