You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
