How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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