ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
