I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
