Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He shit in the fireplace
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
