yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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