Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
