A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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