I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
