I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize