He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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