He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
