thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
