My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
