Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
