I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize