Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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