"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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