I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
