Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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