We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
