I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
