His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
