Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
