totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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