She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
