who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
