hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
