I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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