they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
