please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
