I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
