just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He felt like a one man threesome
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
