Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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