You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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