Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
