i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize