dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So vagazzling was a success
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
