p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
