I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
