Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
