I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
