birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I want a musical about memes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize