I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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