Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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