you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
3 2 1 whiskey
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
