I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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