I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
