You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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