I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
