I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
