I just pynch a tree in the face
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
