rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You smell like stripper and shame
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
