I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
