My nipple is on Facebook.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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