he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
