just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
