Just fell off a train. Bad.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize