i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
