waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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