Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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