Sober January is a disaster.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
