well you can't waste a boner
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
