i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
cat food counts as protein by the way
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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