This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
