I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
