he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
