Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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