I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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