just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
